Wish I Didn't (I Don't)
by TheSaintRyan
Summary: Regardless of how hot it's been all day, the cool water pooling around his waist, the shiver running up his spine, Edd hasn't been so fevered in his life. He can feel something in Kevin's eyes, deep in his gut like a pit of hot coals.


**The** summer after his freshman year of college was the hottest one in his memory. By April the temperature had become uncomfortably high, but by now, June, it was downright unbearable. Kevin Barr was sweating on a lawn chair, sunglasses branding a pale border around his eyes while the rest of him grows redder by the minute. A shadow falls across his vision, but he doesn't respond.

"Greetings, Kevin-" someone starts but he interrupts them, muttering "you're in my light." The person pauses, stepping to the left, saying, "right. My apologies. In any case, since we both appear to be back here in Peach Creek for the summer, I thought to inquire if you perhaps wouldn't mind my company." Beneath his sunglasses, Kevin opens his eyes enough to see Edd 'Double Dee' fiddling with his hands in his pockets and giving a blank smile. Kevin stretches, watching Edd's eyes track down his shirtless form before averting from behind his mirrored sunglasses. "Look," Kevin says, "just because Nazz is at Princeton and Rolf went back to... wherever he came from, doesn't mean I'm desperate enough to hang out with the Eds, alright?" His voice is slow and lazy like molasses, biting edges dulled by the overbearing sun into a meandering drawl. Edd rolls his eyes.

"Oh please, Kevin," he says, tugging his signature hat back where it's slipped forward. "Firstly, aren't we a bit old for middle school rivalries? Secondly, you wouldn't be 'hanging out' with the Eds, just me, as Ed is with Sarah visiting relatives and Eddy is away with his parents in Las Vegas. I figured that since all of our friends are away you might want to-" Kevin interrupts again, scoffing and rolling away to tan his back. Without looking up Kevin shrugs, says, "whatever man. Go see what Jonny is up to or something." When he looks back over his shoulder, Edd is gone.

When he thinks about it later, once the moon has ushered in the cool quiet calm of a summer night, the interaction bothers him. Double Dee has always been the most easily tolerated of the three Eds, and he'd been right anyways; with Nazz and Rolf away for the summer Kevin didn't actually have much to occupy his time. Kevin shrugs off the disquiet and settles into bed, only to lie awake for hours.

 **1\. Holiday From Real**

 **Edd** wakes up, stretching in the too-small childhood bed in the too-small childhood room. He feels an odd sense: A queer haze which settles over him as he climbs into the shower and takes steady, deep breaths- in four out four, in four out four- struggling to recall the troubled dream he's had; and which by the time he's pulling on his shorts and shirt and socks and fiddling with his hat before piling his hair up into it, has become an overwhelming oppressive anxiety. He looks at himself in his mirror, the dark circles under his eyes, and tucks a few last strands of hair up into his hat, sighing. His phone rings as he reaches for the door, catching him by surprise. He stares at it impassively for a long second before answering. "Eddward Double Dee speaking," he greets. "Can it Dee, who the hell do you think is calling you this early? It's just me." Edd rolls his eyes, automatically slipping out a quiet, "language, Eddy," before saying "I guess I should have known only you would bother me so early." He laughs while Eddy feigns a hurt noise.

"Wow Dee, I'm shook to the core. If I'm such a bother I guess I'll just call Ed and see how he's faring with Sarah at their aunt's house. I never knew you felt so strongly, sockhead." Edd continues out the door, walking in the shade of the high fence along the street, his ear pressed against the phone. "I see you've chosen a drama major, Eddy. Your histrionics will serve you well." Eddy laughs, and Edd joins him. If he's honest, he does miss his fellow Eds, but he'll see them in a few weeks and he's certainly capable of keeping himself entertained in the mean time. "Anyway, Vegas is great!" Eddy continues, "Me you and Lumpy should come here for our 21sts!" He says and Edd fights the impulse to correct his friend's grammar. "I'm not sure it's my scene, Eddy, but I'm sure you'll pontificate endlessly until I relent no matter what." Eddy scoffs, "if that's nerd for 'if you say no I'll keep asking until you give in' then yes."

Edd keeps walking, chatting idly while he runs some errands and then circles back, returning home with an armful of groceries. He passes Kevin's house and sees him up in his window, sitting half out into the hot empty air with smoke trailing from something in his fingers. Edd clamps the phone between his ear and shoulder to shrug a quick wave Kevin's way, but he's gone- the still smoking butt sputtering out in the grass.

"You listening Dee? I said I've had tons of people offering to buy me drinks and like six Elvis's have tried to marry me!" Edd is returned to the conversation, eyes startling from where the smoke had drifted from the dirt where a garden obviously once sat under Kevin's window. "Now is that Elvis attempting to become married to you, or marry you to other people?" He asks and Eddy laughs again. "Both." He says. Edd pulls his front door open, crossing the hall and putting away groceries while listening to Eddy wax philosophic about the lights and the noise and the booze. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Eddy. I've got to go though." He hangs up, sitting at the table and drinking a cup of coffee, thinking the whole time about the colour of rust.

 **Kevin** lays on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind is foggy and loose, he always feels like thought is impossible after smoking a joint but today his mind just keeps racing on ahead of him. Still, it's like he can't keep up to catch any of the thoughts harrying his head. College had been every bit as easy as high school, his football scholarship paying for everything and Kevin never having been particularly bad at school ensuring him at least four years debt-free. It seems like now, though, once back in his childhood home in the suburbs, Kevin's been catapulted directly back into adolescence. He turns his head, an Herculean effort, and stares at the door. His room is hot and he can't relax and he's thinking about snacks when he thinks back to Double Dee yesterday. He groans, raising a hand to land limply across his brow. "Get a grip, Kev. You're just bored and stoned. Watch a movie or somethin," he says to himself. He still can't focus, though, sits staring at Netflix for an hour before groaning again. He steps outside, slipping on his sunglasses, and looks around the cul-de-sac.

Jimmy is talking excitedly to Jonny, who laughs and then- noticing Kevin over Jimmy's shoulder- waves. Kevin returns the wave, but his gaze is drawn to Double Dee's house. The light is on, not in the living room but in the kitchen beyond it, and Kevin imagines he might be cooking. For some reason, his legs are walking on without him, dragging him straight towards the house across from his own.

He stands in front of the door for a long while, long enough that Jimmy and Jonny noticed and are gossiping back and forth about it. Eventually, Kevin raises a fist and knocks a few times before he can talk himself out of it. He's not even sure, really, why he's making such a big deal out of nothing. A few seconds later Edd pulls the door open and greets Kevin with an amused smile. "Hello, Kevin. How can I help you?" He says, stepping aside and gesturing Kevin through the door. He walks in, moving to stand awkwardly in the living room while Edd closes the door and turns to regard him. "I was bored and uh, thought about you asking me to chill yesterday. And I was kinda an ass so I wanted to apologize and uh... chill." Kevin says and Edd's smile grows more confused. "No need to apologize, Kevin. Water under the bridge, as they say. I was just cooking some dinner if you'd like to join me." Kevin nods, but it's rigid. He feels out of his element and buffoonish, following Edd through into the kitchen where a pot is bubbling with pasta and a second simmers nearby. "I hear you've got a scholarship." Edd says and Kevin nods again, before shaking off his nerves and speaking. "Yeah for uh, football obviously. It's been a good year." He isn't sure what to say, but Edd is busying himself stirring the pasta, nodding along. "You got in somewhere cool, right?" Kevin asks.

"Indeed. I wasn't really- I'm not really- sure what I want to actually do yet. Eddy used to always tease that the only place I could ever find a job was a library. I haven't picked a major yet. It seems so final." Kevin understands the feeling. His mind drifts across the last year, taking only the general classes. Feeling like he wasn't actually capable of any specific degree, feeling the weight of his dad's expectations. "My dad wants me to get a business degree. It just seems so... stereotypical. Boring." Kevin says.

By the time they're sitting down to dinner, the spaghetti piled high on their plates, Kevin has relaxed and gotten over his initial hesitation. Him and Double Dee are laughing about the absurd mischief they got into as kids. Eventually they start a movie, and then another. Kevin is musing about their childhoods, ignoring the movie, when he suddenly says "have you thought about engineering? You always used to make such cool gadgets when we were kids." Edd looks over at him, surprised. "You thought my inventions were cool?" He asks, softly. Kevin laughs, "yeah dude. You made cool stuff out of like, nothing." Edd smiles, turning back to the movie but the grin sitting still across his face. "Thank you, Kevin."

The night goes on, until Kevin thinks to check his phone and realizes the hour. "Shit. I've gotta go. I have to help my dad with some stuff in the morning. Thanks for dinner, Double Dee," he says, drawing Edd's attention from the movie again. "Oh! No problem Kevin." Kevin stands, heads to the door, but pauses and looks back. "We should hang out again soon," he says, and leaves before Edd can say anything.

 **2\. Oxford Comma**

 **Edd** smiles to himself, turning back to the movie just in time for his favourite part. "You thought my inventions were cool?" He says out loud, mocking his tone. "Get a grip on yourself Edd. That was so lame." He can't help but grin anyway, thinking about the way Kevin tipped his head back when he laughed really deep and how bright his green eyes were. He swipes his hand over his eyes before turning off the TV and heading upstairs to his room. His bed is a bit more comfortable than it had been the last week, as he strips off his clothes and climbs in. He dreams about a big, dark ocean.

 **When** he gets home, his dad having asked him to help around in the warehouse, Kevin is dead tired. He calls Nazz, anyway, because he misses her voice. He tells her this when she answers and she laughs it off. "Whatever, you dork," she says fondly. "How's the old neighborhood?" She asks. "Quiet," Kevin replies. "It's just Jimmy, Jonny, Double Dee and me." He elaborates and Nazz laughs. "Double Dee with no Eds? How's that going?" Kevin should have known better, now he feels like he has to tell Nazz about last night. "It's not too bad. The guy's pretty cool when he's not with Eddy," he says, and Nazz hums like she's in thought. Kevin lays down on his bed, waiting for her to change the subject, instead she says, "Pretty cool, huh? That's a ringing endorsement coming from you, Kev. Have you seen him around yet?" He knew it would come up. "Uh, yeah actually," he says, suddenly nervous. "I went to his place yesterday and we had dinner and watched some movies. It's boring here without you and Rolf," he says, trying to bury the lead.

Nazz says, "that's sweet but don't change the subject or try to distract me with flattery. You had dinner with Double Dee? What's going on there?" Kevin groans, hiding his face in his pillow for a while. He hears a small voice repeating his name from somewhere near his shoulder and reaches blindly for his phone. "Nothing Nazz don't be so dramatic. I just happened to stop by around dinner time so we caught up and hung out. There's nothing else to do." He explains, feeling like he's making excuses.

"Sure thing, Kev," she says, obviously smiling on the other end of the call, "I'm just saying, though, if I HAD to date one of the Eds-" she starts before Kevin groans again and hangs up. She sends him a text, a row of emoji skulls, and he regrets ever calling her. He decides to go for a drive to clear his mind, and pointedly doesn't glance at the house across from his own when he leaves.

" **Anyway** I finally turn to him, right, and I'm like, 'look buddy. Just because I use herbal shampoo doesn't mean you can just sniff my head in public!' And so I, like, turn around and it's this big jock dude, okay, no way he should be in high school. And he kind of tries to, like, act like he has no idea for a second. But I glare at him so he just leans in and asks what brand it is so he can get it for his girl friend!" Jimmy finishes, Jonny and Double Dee laughing. "Like that is just homophobia at it's best. 'For your girlfriend,' please!" Edd chuckles, asks, "well did you tell him?" Jimmy looks stricken by the thought. "As if! That's a trade secret, Double Dee."

Jimmy, Edd thinks, learned well from Sarah. He's grown into an independent, capable and proud guy, top of his class and with a no-nonsense attitude that draws underclassmen like a magnet. Jonny looks over at the sky in the distance and says, "I ate an acorn today. Thought it was a walnut." Jimmy and Edd share a laugh, before Edd bids the two boys goodbye. The sunset is bringing a slight chill, welcome after the extreme heat of the days. Edd heads home, sparing a glance over his shoulder, looking at Kevin's dark house for just a moment before going inside.

 **Loud** people and louder music drown Kevin's odd mood, the cup in his hand full of something that smells more appropriate for cleaning than drinking and the pretty blonde at his side chatting away about her sorority. Uncharacteristically, Kevin isn't interested in any cute, leggy blondes tonight. He leaves her mid sentence and makes his way through the crowd, searching for a bathroom but finding instead a bedroom with a circle of people smoking. He joins them, recognizing some people from classes, but the whole thing seems like a waste of time. His head isn't in the party at all. The weed only makes him more caught up in his head, so he leaves, walking out the front door and dumping out the rest of his drink. He hears his name, though, and turns to see Marie Kanker, her blue hair slicked back, her makeup dark, and a cigarette between her lips. She walks over to him, and Kevin says, "you certainly never struck me as the sorority type." She laughs, takes a drag and says, "I'm not, but these rich kids always have the best booze." Kevin grimaces and she laughs again. "I didn't know you went to school here," he says and she gives him a flat look, taking another drag and then saying, "don't," with a shrug.

By all accounts, Marie is beautiful. She's wearing leather pants that look like they were built around her legs and a purple band tee that's been cut up and cropped, the back cut into a skull, her pale skin showing through. She drops the cigarette and stomps it out under her boots, turning to wave off the guy she'd been talking to. "Your sisters around?" Kevin asks, for no apparent reason. Marie shrugs, says, "somewhere around here. Lee's probably getting in a fight, May's probably stoned. Who cares?" Kevin shrugs. "You wanna go get some food or something? Go for a drive?" He asks and Marie gives him an odd look, nodding her head after a minute. "You too drunk to drive?" She asks and Kevin shakes his head. He'd only actually finished one drink and that was at least an hour ago.

Marie follows him to his car, and in any other circumstance of his life Kevin would think they were about to hook up. Instead they just cruise around, music playing through the speakers, and pull through a drive through to get some burgers. Marie stops, mid bite, and turns to Kevin. "What's going on with you, dude?" She asks and Kevin turns to give her a look. "Whatcha mean?" Marie rolls her eyes, finishes her burger, and turns fully in her seat to face him. "You're so in your head I can practically hear your thoughts. And May's the psychic, not me." Kevin quirks a brow at her and she laughs, saying, "don't ask, long story," before continuing her questioning. "You're obviously hung up on something so lay it on me QB."

He feels a hot anxiety welling up in his gut, but forges ahead. "Well I uh, I've got this friend, I guess. Only we aren't even really friends. We just started getting to know each other but like... I feel weird about it." Marie's listening, her window down and a cigarette leaving smoke signals behind them like a trail of breadcrumbs. "Tell me about him," she says and Kevin startles a glance at her, trying to casually keep his eyes on the road ahead. "I didn't say it was a dude," Kevin says but Marie just cracks up. "Didn't have to, QB. I know all."

Kevin groans, staring out the windshield at the dark back streets they're cruising down. "He's smart, and funny, and really cool. We've barely been hanging out a week and I'm like, obsessed." Marie's nodding along, he thinks, refusing to look over at her. "Dude, just like. Chill. Give it another week or so, see how he's acting. If he's into you- and let's be honest, who isn't?- then go for it." They've circled back, pulling back into the parking lot close by the sorority party. "Thanks Marie," he says, but she waves it off, climbing nimbly out of the seat, and leaves him with a wink and "don't worry about it QB," over her shoulder, heading back into the party.

 **3\. Automatic Stop**

 **He'd** hardly slept at all, sliding out of bed just before dawn and drinking his coffee alone at his table. Edd has spent a week without the other Eds, and he likes to think that it isn't getting to him. The reality of the situation, however, is that he finds himself unceasingly bored. He's confused by how, exactly, he's meant to get through another week (at least) with nothing to do. He's confused by Kevin's sudden appearance and then disappearance, how Kevin had seemed so totally unlike the teenager that Edd had known; had seemed happy and relaxed and confident rather than cocky. If Edd is honest, it was an attractive change, but what did any of it mean?

Eddy had continued to call frequently, filling in Double Dee on how Ed was doing and how Vegas was incredible at night and how his mom had already won two separate jackpots and seemed like she never wanted to leave. In the mean time, alone in his family's house in Peach Creek, Edd feels hollow and empty.

He's just here; here, here, here, in his empty house. Here, in the neighborhood of his youth made quiet by the passing of time; the dissonance between his reminiscence of the cul-de-sac full of noise and laughter, now made silent by the death of adolescence. He goes for long, languid walks. Hoping the whole time that something exciting might happen to him or around him. Anything to destroy the dull monotony of a summer in adulthood.

Edd leaves his house, glancing out and seeing Jimmy and Jonny walking towards the creek, towels over their shoulders, seeing Kevin in his front lawn, shirtless and with swimming trunks sitting low on his hips, pale and freckled skin on display as he washes the windows. Kevin glances over, smiles and raises a hand, but Edd has already turned away, walking down the sidewalk and cursing the heat that drowns him, a blush high on his cheeks.

He walks, wandering towards the shops nearby- as kids they'd only ever noticed the candy store- and hears footsteps, sneakers clapping against the sidewalk approaching from behind. From over his shoulder he hears Kevin saying, "wait up Double Dee," and he pauses, the redhead catching up and clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Whatcha up to, dude?" Kevin asks. Edd smiles, casts his eyes to Kevin's hand on his shoulder quickly, and says, "nothing specific, just embarking on a short walk." Kevin nods. Seems to try to speak but reconsiders, then asks, "well, mind if I join you?" Edd's surprised, though it doesn't show. If Kevin would only be consistent, maybe he could make sense of this situation. "Why of course not, Kevin. I'd be glad to have the company." Kevin smiles, big and bright and so charming; obviously well practiced, brought out at parties and, in his youth, around Nazz.

It isn't a long walk though the heat makes it seem endless. Once the two men arrive, strolling past the candy store and eventually wandering into a coffee shop that opened while they were away at college, Edd realizes they've hardly spoken. When he glances at Kevin, he's ostensibly nervous, one hand repeatedly running through his hair and the other playing with the phone in his pocket. They order, iced drinks to fend off the heat, and while waiting for their order Kevin's phone chimes. He pulls it out, reading a message and then grinning. "Hey Double Dee," he says and Edd looks over at him curious. "Marie invited me to a party tonight. Wanna come along?"

Edd's brows raise, incredulous. "A party, Kevin?" He begins, giving in to his initial reaction, when Kevin interrupts and says, "you said you've been bored right? Wanna do something crazy and exciting? C'mon dude. 'Not your style' sounds like exactly what you need right now." Edd pauses, considering, sure that he's going to decline, but when he finally responds what he says is, "Perhaps you're right, Kevin. I'd love to join you."

 **Later** that night, Nazz having again laughed him off the phone after an update, Kevin steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist, and walks to his room. Once inside, he suddenly realizes that he's invited Double Dee to a party though he has no idea if he even enjoys them at all. What's more, he invited Double Dee to a party with Marie Kanker, who was his childhood 'girlfriend.' Kevin pulls on clothes, trying and failing not to put too much effort into his outfit, and even applies some cologne. He knows, even as he's doing it, that he's trying too hard; acting like it's a date. And is it?

He's nervous when he hears Double Dee knock on his door and heads downstairs to let him in. He finally understands why when he opens the door and sees the other man standing there. Double Dee has switched out his typical summer shorts for dangerously fitted slacks printed in a greyscale floral, a maroon tank top with a low scooping neck, and a cropped denim jacket in a dark wash. He looks amazing, the slacks and tank top showing off where the naturally skinny man filled out in the last year and a thin pool of dark liner along the bottom of his eyes bringing out the light and hazel colour. "You look nice, Kevin," he says but Kevin still can't bring himself to speak, staring at how damn _good_ Edd looks. "Uh, yeah. Thanks! I mean, you too..." He eventually chokes out, feeling his cheeks burn and feeling like a fool.

Edd laughs, smiles, tipping his head back exposing the long line of his neck. Kevin invites him in to hang out before they leave, sitting on the couch and drinking soda with the end of a movie playing over Kevin's existential crisis. Surreptitiously, he pulls out his phone and texts Nazz quickly, writing, 'O no nazz hes fucking hot help.' She doesn't answer, is probably laughing too hard at him to type. He manages to make small talk, but Edd can clearly tell that he's flustered, if the light blush on his cheeks or the way he keeps glancing over and smirking are an indication. Truly, Kevin has never once been this intimidated. He chalks it up to the long history between him and Edd, wishing above all else that he can get through tonight without embarrassing himself.

They leave for the party, head into the city. The drive is quiet, the radio prattling on in the background. It's a short drive but the lack of conversation makes it seem much longer. "So uh, are you excited?" Kevin asks and Edd hums an affirmative from the passenger seat. "Oh yes, I've gone out a few times with my friends at school, and I admit it can be quite fun. I definitely prefer house parties to collegiate events," Edd responds and Kevin is grateful that Marie has invited them to just that; a small party at a friend's house, just a bunch of art students getting high and talking about Warhol and not a sorority party.

They pull up to a large house. It's so quiet that Kevin double checks to make sure he's at the right address, and when he sees he is he says, "this is the place." Edd looks visibly relieved to see how low-key the party is. Kevin flashes him his winning smile, stepping out of the car and meeting his eye over the roof. He gestures to the house and leads the way. He knocks on the door and a lovely girl with peach-coloured hair answers, smiling brightly, a glass of dark wine in her fist. From behind her Marie yells, "QB! You made it!" And then pauses as she notices Edd beside him. She gives Kevin an odd look, quickly replacing it with a smile and greeting him, "hey Double Dee. Wasn't expectin' to see you here." Edd waves, while Marie glances up and down his body, giving Kevin another look, and then they walk in.

 **An** hour later, Edd finds himself discussing Russian literature with the peach-haired girl, a glass of Cabernet in his hand and hers nearly spilling as she passionately defends Dostoevsky's pretentious nature as being exemplary of the type of 'serious lit' being written at the time on purpose. Edd glances away, catching sight of Marie dancing in the kitchen with some friends, and meeting Kevin's eye where he's leaned against the kitchen counter. He looks at ease, a small and honest smile tugging his lips upward. Edd grins at him and Kevin returns it, making Edd's heart do something odd in his chest. Meg says, "do you wanna smoke?" to Edd and he cocks his head from Kevin's direction towards the two of them. He walks over, grin still in place, and Meg repeats the question. Kevin looks to Edd, unsure of his stance, and Edd merely shrugs.

They follow her curly mess of pinkish hair back to her room. The walls are filled with prints and photographs and paintings, so Edd makes small talk about some of the gallery events he's attended and some of the work he recognizes while Meg rolls a joint. He sips his wine, glances to Kevin when he takes the joint easily and inhales deep. Kevin's smile hasn't faltered since they arrived, truly in his element. He cautiously holds the joint out to Edd, who reaches out and takes it. "I didn't know you smoked, dude." He says and Edd shrugs. "I don't very often. A few times with Eddy and Ed in high school, a couple times at Caltech. I don't mind it," he says, taking a hit and coughing lightly before handing it back to Meg. She says, "Caltech huh? What are you studying?" Edd laughs, glancing at Kevin, and says "I have no idea."

Marie joins them, following the sound of their laughter, and pulls out a joint of her own to light and pass around. Edd takes it, the wine and weed loosening him up and filling his mouth with laughter. When they leave the room an indeterminate amount of time later there are fewer people. Meg and Edd pour more wine, Marie and Kevin grabbing beers, before they settle in to watch ridiculously obscure art films, talking over them all. Marie laughs at a joke, leans in to kiss Edd on the cheek, relishes in the crimson stain she leaves. Edd feels full up and bright like the sun.

 **4\. Calm Before The Storm**

 **Hours** later, Kevin having stopped drinking and eaten at Edd's insistence, they leave to head home. They're still talking, laughing about a story Marie had been telling, when Edd gets a serious look and says, "thank you for inviting me, Kevin. I had a great time." He flashes Edd his brilliant smile, says, "no problem dude. I'm glad you came." Edd's there next to him, shining like beacon; his grin lambent and his eyes catching every lamplight in the night.

He pulls back into his driveway, switching the car off but making no move to get out. Edd sits quietly, enjoying his high and the soft music drifting into the air. Their windows are down, the fresh summer breeze drifting through the car. Eventually, Kevin takes a deep breath and turns the key in the ignition switching the car off. He and Edd step out into the dark, regarding each other across the roof of Kevin's car. "Thanks again, Kevin." Edd says as they begin walking towards his house. "We should do that again," Kevin says and Edd smiles. At his door, Edd pauses, looking back at him. There comes a heavy moment, then, as the men prepare to say goodbye. Edd's still drunk, a little, and Kevin thinks the looseness in his shoulders and the heavy-lidded smile on his face fit surprisingly well on the high-strung man. Kevin, if he's truly honest with himself- so much so it scares him- wants to kiss Edd. He almost does, leaning forward and meeting Edd's eyes, Edd making no move to pull away or head inside, until he's struck by a sudden chill of anxiety crawling insidious up his spine. "Well," he says, still halfway leaning into Edd's space, close enough to feel the heat of his breath, "goodnight, Double Dee." Edd smiles, bids him goodnight, and turns away.

Once in his room, Kevin collapses on his bed, feeling a fool. He texts Nazz, despite the late hour, says, 'I went to a party with DD and almost kissed him.' Putting it in writing forces him to really accept how fond he's grown of Edd in such a short time. Kevin's brain becomes a maelstrom, thoughts of affection and fear and adolescent anxiety and the short, short, short, too short summer and an odd image: A wash of jade and hazel and a deep dark pool of black.

His phone rings, despite the late hour, and Kevin answers wordlessly. Nazz's soft alto voice greets him, "Kevin what the hell tell me everything!" she rushes out, sounding positively gleeful. "Marie invited me to a party. I invited Double Dee. It was... fuck, Nazz it was awesome. He had such a good time and he's so much cooler than I remember and he's so hot! It's ridiculous! I feel like such a dork, I swear."

Nazz is silent for a while, maybe giggling away from the phone even, and then she says with galvanized sincerity, "why didn't you kiss him?" For some reason, absurdly, that was the only part of the evening Kevin hadn't given much thought. He pauses, long enough for Nazz to hazzard a guess, "was it like, because he's one of the eds?" Kevin answers, finally, but with trepidation, "it's not that. It's like, it's only been a week and I like him this much, and everyone else will be back from their trips soon while me and Double Dee are in the middle of this... thing? And then summer isn't that long like, what happens after?" It's Nazz' turn for quiet and trepidation. "Fuck, Kevin. You're like, in love, huh?"

 **The** morning after the party, Edd wakes up feeling fine. He rises early and takes a shower, finally washing the eyeliner off that he'd forgotten in his drunken state. He drinks his coffee black and is about to step out for a walk when his phone rings once again. "Impeccable timing," he answers flatly and Eddy says "What's that supposed to mean, Dee?" Edd laughs and changes tone, "good morning Eddy, how are you doing?" Eddy, of course, launches into an impassioned diatribe about the same old Vegas topics. It seems, truly, to Edd, like quite a boring place. One meant to be experienced in a night with any longer a stay being rendered monotonous. "What's got you so quiet, Dee?" Eddy asks, obviously having noticed Edd's lack of attention. "Sorry about that, I was just thinking about my night. Kevin and I went to a party."

Eddy is silent for a long time; long enough that Edd thinks he may have hung up. "How long have you and Kevin been hangin' out?" Edd's struck by the flat affect, the toneless way Eddy speaks. "About a week, it's been quite nice. Kevin has changed a lot," Edd says but Eddy scoffs. "What the hell Dee. I'm gone for a week and you're sleeping with the enemy?" Edd pulls the phone away from his ear, gives it a stricken look as if Eddy can see. "Kevin is not _the enemy_ , Eddy, grow up. Also, who I sleep with is not any of your business. It's been a long time." Eddy makes an annoyed sound, high in his throat, and practically hisses, "well have fun with _Kevin_ then, Bene-Dick Arnold," and hangs up. Edd's mood clouds over, then thunders. He's shaking, feeling like a storm and suddenly loses his will to walk, returning to his room like a cold front and bringing winter with him.

 **Kevin** wakes up with a headache even though he hadn't drank very much. He'd spent the night restless, so unsure of what to do that he'd hardly slept. Nazz' words ringing in his ears. He doesn't feel that it's quite that serious, but is he just holding back? Is he just minimizing because of his fear of what comes after summer? Double Dee back to Caltech and Kevin at Berkeley and 375 miles in between. It feels so simple here, in the summer in Peach Creek; like he's no longer the person he became after a year of independence and he's been replaced by a child. And what a child he'd been! Would Double Dee even consider him after all of the grief he'd caused as children? After all of the times he'd bullied and tortured?

A full night and a longer morning haven't helped him gather his thoughts at all, as he hangs out his window into the afternoon to smoke. Now, just as in childhood, his father is rarely home. He sits, perched on his window sill, gazing across the street at Edd's house and sending smoke signals into the air: _I'm here, I love you, Where are you, What are we, When will I see you?_ The message remains unanswered, smoke trailing up and disappearing into the bright blue of the sky.

By the time the moon has risen up and the sky has darkened, Kevin is no closer to the center of this maze. He grabs his phone in a fit of desperation, unsure of who to reach out to. Before he can rethink the decision, Marie answers. "What's up QB?" she asks, and when Kevin doesn't answer she continues, "that good, huh?" Kevin isn't sure what to say, how to say it. "I feel like a total dork now. I've been thinking about this all day and I have no clue what to say." Marie laughs, asks, "Double Dee?" and Kevin groans an affirmative.

"You're worried you're falling in too deep and he won't wanna get super serious because summer flings are just that- flings- and that ain't what you want. Am I close?" She says, shocking Kevin quiet. "Are you sure you're not the psychic sister?" Kevin finally says and Marie laughs so hard she has to pause to catch her breath. "Nope, that's May, but it's kinda scary, ain't it? I'm just fluent in gay relationships, if you catch my drift." Kevin still feels no closer to understanding what to do, and says as much. "Literally talk to him about it, you dork." Marie says, laughing at his expense while he echoes sarcastically. "Fucking talk to him, Kevin. And then make out. And then tell me all about it." She says, and he's tempted to hang up. For some reason, hearing such obvious advice spit at him so sardonically seems to make it click, finally, in his head. "Thanks Marie," he says and she interrupts- "can I plan your wedding?" Kevin gives in to temptation, hanging up and dropping his head into his hands.

 **5\. O Green World**

" **Pissed** doesn't even begin to cover it, if I'm being honest." Edd says into his phone the next morning. "Aw, you know Eddy, Double Dee! He's prickly sometimes, like Jim. And it is Kevin, you know Eddy hates him." Edd rolls his eyes fondly, knew full well that if anyone could lift his spirits it would be Ed. "I know Ed but you should have heard him! He sounded younger than the first day I met him. Being so childish about me spending time with someone!" Ed sighs, in the quiet Edd can hear Sarah, faintly, screaming somewhere far away. "You know I hate it when you two fight, Double Dee. Want me to talk to him?" Edd wars with himself, eventually shrugging and saying, "do whatever you want, Ed." Ed seems disappointed by the answer, by the situation. "I wish I was there," he says eventually; Edd has never agreed with a sentiment so readily.

After hanging up he goes for a walk, refusing to let Eddy's tantrum spoil his summer. He's starting to come around to this slower pace, giving in to the childish haze of an eternal summer. He notices Kevin sitting in his window, sees him drop the joint and disappear inside after noticing him, but decides to continue walking. Behind him he hears a door slamming and once again Kevin jogs to catch up to him. "Hey dude," he says and Edd tamps down a smile. "How are you, Kevin," he says and Kevin reaches up to brush his hair back, a nervous habit. "Good, just bored. Whatcha up to today?" Edd shrugs. "No plans," he says and Kevin grins. "Wanna hang out?" He asks and it's Edd's turn to indulge a nervous habit, reaching up to adjust his hat on his head. "Alright," he says. The two walk together, wandering toward the shops, but nothing holds their attention.

The heat becomes harsh just before evening, driving them back towards home but Kevin detours, leading Edd towards the swimming hole instead. "Really, Kevin? And we don't even have towels. How cliché," Edd teases but Kevin just shrugs, chuckles. The swimming hole is a bit smaller than it seemed in their youth, but still secluded enough. It seems late enough in the evening that, though it's still hot, no one is there. Kevin smiles over his shoulder, obviously teasing, and strips his shirt off. Edd makes a show of rolling his eyes, bending to remove his shoes and socks first to hide the heat in his face. By the time he looks up and strips off his own shirt and hat Kevin is in his boxers and knee deep in the cool water. Kevin turns around once he's up to his chest in water, his eyes running along the length of Edd's body, catching along the twin scars under his pecs but betraying nothing, slipping down before springing up to meet Edd's own. "Dude, the water's amazing," he says; again, again, his voice drawls slow like molasses, like the first day Edd had come back, like the crimson of the setting sun behind him, like he's breathless and anchored so firmly in this moment that time has ceased. He leans back, stretching his arms and propelling himself further into the water and as if pulled by a rope Edd follows, stepping into the water and following Kevin deep, deep, deeper in.

Regardless of how hot it's been all day, the cool water pooling around his waist, the shiver running up his spine, Edd hasn't been so fevered in his life. He can feel something in Kevin's eyes, deep in his gut like a pit of hot coals. The water is rising and Kevin is bobbing, afloat but eyes anchored on Edd's face, face almost serene in catharsis. Edd swims forward, coming to drift within Kevin's orbit. The momentary spell breaks as they suddenly relish in their relief from the heat, the pond bringing out their childhood selves.

The sun sets but the heat is trapped by heavy clouds that roll in suddenly from the coast. The water is painted inky black and their only light comes from the construction site's installed lights, faint as it is, and fainter still the lights from the cul-de-sac. Edd draws closer to Kevin, as it begins to rain heavily. Seizing the moment, he says "let's head home." Kevin shrugs, follows Edd back to shore. Once on solid ground, after slipping his shorts back on over his wet underwear, Edd looks back to find Kevin's eyes locked on his again. Kevin steps closer, reaching a hand onto his shoulder, and Edd says, "are you going to actually kiss me this time?" Kevin grins, that damn grin, and his hand moves to grip Edd's head. Their lips meet seconds before a sudden crack of thunder steals Edd's breath. It feels like Kevin's as relieved as he is, as they sink together, pulling each other tight and kissing like they are making up for missed opportunities; like they are fools for waiting; like they are stars caught in each other's orbit; they collapse together, standing where they'd probably stood hundreds of times before, alone in the summer storm.

They break apart, Edd's lips feel worn away as they stretch into a grin. He places his hand on Kevin's cheek, leaning in to kiss him again, shorter this time, less frenzied. He turns, reaching back and meeting Kevin's hand, walking back to his big empty house. In his room he hands Kevin a pair of dry shorts, turning around to strip out of his wet clothes and change. When he turns back Kevin's eyes are still locked on him, half-lidded and intense. "So," Edd says around the lump in his throat, "you're fine with all this? I mean I'm a guy, an ed, and I'm..." he pauses, unsure, but Kevin hasn't looked away yet and he feels like artwork, "I'm trans." Kevin nods, shrugs. "I'm not gonna freak out dude. I mean, I've hooked up with dudes before. You're not even the first trans person I've met, or kissed for that matter. Dude, I go to Berkeley. Like, obviously I don't completely understand or relate or whatever but... I'm open to learning." He flashes that same damn charming grin, but it falters and he replaces it with a smaller more honest smile. "You never cease to amaze me," Edd says and Kevin laughs deep, says, "right back atcha, Double Dee," and then tips his head back, drawing Edd over to him where he's lounging on his bed, and they meet again, and kiss until they sleep.

 **Dawn** finds Kevin stirring, Edd asleep in his arms, and all he can do is look at this incredible man's placid face, his long dark eyelashes fanned across his pale cheeks, his lips parted just enough to huff contented breaths across Kevin's shoulder. "You never cease to amaze me," he whispers, rolling to pull Edd closer as he gasps a small sound and tightens his grip, tightening Kevin down to the bed and lulling him back to sleep.

 **6\. Car Windows**

Early afternoon light paints the room golden, catches on Edd's eyes when he wakes up. Kevin is sitting up against the headboard, phone in hand, and looks over to where Edd's been curled up against his side. He'd been huffing in his sleep, shifting restlessly as if in a nightmare, but on waking his countenance smooths over, a quiet calm filling his hazel eyes, and he sits up, rising to meet Kevin's smile with his own.

Outside the window the streets are shining bright, still wet and slick from the rain that had continued on through the morning. Kevin has spent the morning thinking: There's only a few days left until the eds are back; a few days and Rolf will return; soon the romantic spell of isolation will wear thin, dispelled by the arrival of the rest of their childhood friends, and the two of them will have to make a decision, whether or not this is serious, whether or not to continue. And what then, of the six weeks after before the end of summer? Regardless of their romance, Kevin and Edd will have to part ways to return to school; but does he want that, does Edd? Kevin's green eyes cast sideways, meet Edd's, and he speaks, "do you wanna get outta here?" He asks, Edd tilting his head. "You know, get outta Peach Creek for the night. Maybe head up the coast?" Edd seems to consider it, for a moment, before shrugging with a smile. "Why not? I've got nothing to do here," he says and Kevin's heart floats up high into his throat.

" **I** should probably run home and pack some stuff," Kevin says. Edd nods, walks Kevin to his front door. Before he leaves, Kevin turns, grabs Edd again and pulls him close to kiss him, for good measure. He walks across the street, and Edd turns to go back up to his room, fingers lightly tracing his lips, tracking them as the corners lift. He feels the haze of fear that accompanies doing things reckless and foolish and fun, the quiet ache of the urge to tiptoe when you must run. He feels the dull throb of affection and wonder still coursing through him since yesterday, that heat low in his gut, the full-body flush of what he fears may be a bit more than simple friendship. He thinks, then, of many things that scare him; his parents and his body- once, but not any more, as much- and his inability to connect with peers and- the most frightening of all- love and relationships and having to bare himself, wholly and completely to another person.

He hasn't really dated much, but he's prided himself on never being one who doesn't try, and he's gone out with friends, met people at bars and bookstores and on campus, gone on dates. Relationships terrify him, he's only ever really wanted one person that much before but that time had long passed leaving Edd feeling like he were standing in the center of barren salted ground and frozen tundra; a frigid sea of carefully practiced austerity.

Regardless, swallowing his fear, he packs handfuls of clothes. He pauses, to regard his reflection in the mirror, adjust his hair in his hat, and to reflect on the time he's spent with Kevin so far this summer. Never- not, at least since the eds what feels like a lifetime ago- had someone ducked around his walls and so firmly bonded themselves to him, not a single person Edd had met at Caltech had managed to come close in three quarters. In such a short time, Kevin has managed to become one of the closest people to him. That thought, too, scares him. So he heads down the stairs and across the street to where Kevin is already waiting next to his car, sunglasses failing to hide his excitement.

 **They** drive; heading west, to the coast. They find they have a similar taste in music, after Kevin insists Edd take control of the stereo. It's about three hours before they stop, Edd's eyes glued to the endless ocean on their left, Kevin's eyes glued to the wide-eyed joy on Edd's face. They both take in a deep, deep breath of salty air. Kevin can't stop looking at Edd; at the lax slump of his shoulders as he tips his head back and pulls in a heavy breath; at the dark, silky hair spilling out of part of his hat; at the slight gap in his front teeth as he grins. It's exhilarating, the thought that Edd wants him too, wants his lips and his pale, clumsy hands. He shakes with it, the heat in his chest threatening to engulf him in love's white hot flame.

The beach is beautiful, azure skies and seas and sand shining like gold in the afternoon sun. As they lay in the heat, gulls crying an aria, Edd looks over at him and says, "why didn't you kiss me after the party?" Kevin angles his head, regards the rose-tinted man through his sunglasses. Eventually, Kevin says, "I wanted to. Had been wanting to. Honestly, I didn't kiss you then for the same reason I did kiss you when we were swimming. Summer's too short." Edd looks at him for a long time, placid face betraying nothing. He turns his head back towards the sea, looking out at a boat in the distance sailing south, back down the coast toward home. He's quiet long enough that Kevin relaxes again, closing his eyes and basking in the sun. Edd barely raises his voice to say, "I think this is more than a summer fling."

They walk the streets, as the sun sets and paints the sky blue and purple, hand in hand. Eventually, his stomach growling, Kevin pulls Edd into a restaurant. While they eat, Kevin looks up to meet Edd's eyes, says, "you're right. This isn't just a summer fling, Edd. But what happens after summer ends, huh?" He's sad, as much as happy- and isn't that just the way? The savage beauty of life is all things all at once- and Edd just shrugs. "Phone calls, skype, five-hour drives, winter break, spring break," he says. Kevin looks at his food for a long time, glances back up to answer with a smile, "sure. Let's do it then. Edd... Double Dee... will you be my boyfriend? Officially?"

 **Tacky** wallpaper and tackier sheets greet them in the hotel room, but Edd can't seem to care. If he were four years younger, half as mentally stable, earlier into his transition, he'd be horrified by the idea of a hotel bed and hands on him. As it stands, Kevin's skin beneath his hands and Kevin's hands tangled in his hair and Kevin's lips sliding across his own and Kevin lifting him up by his ass and laying him down on the tacky bedspread, Edd's finding thought and fear impossible. His only thoughts are of the freckles and moles that dot Kevin's shoulders and the dusting of red hair trailing down his body and the hot, hard heat of him pressed against his hip.

His breath is stolen as Kevin kisses, then licks, his solar plexus. Kevin's nose drags up along his neck and then he bites just under Edd's jaw- a tease of teeth against his skin that has him biting out the longest list of swears he knows spanning four languages. "You're incredible," Kevin says and Edd is dumbfounded at the thought of someone like Kevin seeing him as something to revere.

Later, Edd steps out of the shower to see Kevin lounging in his sweats, sitting on the closed toilet lid and holding up a joint with a waggle of his eyebrows. He smiles fondly, dropping his towel and bending over lewdly to grab his shorts. Kevin seems distracted, forgets about the joint until Edd takes in from between his fingers and lights it, reaching over to flick on the fan in the bathroom. Edd takes a long hit, handing it over and looking up into the light as he blows the smoke toward the whirring of the fan. After Kevin's hit, as he holds it out to Edd, he says, "I know this seems kinda dumb, now, but I really do want to apologize for... when we were kids. Now that I know who you are, I feel even worse about something I already felt bad for, you know? Like if only we could have gotten closer then, somehow."

Edd gives him a queer look, feeling like he's never seen this man before even as they pass a joint back and forth in a hotel on the coast, then breaks open in hysterical laughter, crouches down to sit roughly on the floor with tears spilling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry-" he tries, several times, to say eventually giving up and holding up a single finger, waiting it out and catching his breath. He says, then, "I'm sorry, it's the weed I swear. That was sweet. Don't worry about it, seriously. If you only knew, Kevin. You were honestly the least of my problems as a kid. And I've forgiven you anyway." Kevin's smiling, looking a bit indulgent, and the joint has long since been smoked, so they walk to the bed and climb in, curling to sleep in a tangle of limbs wrapped around two pounding hearts.

 **Over** breakfast, in a cheap diner downtown, Edd suddenly chuckles, asks, "just out of curiosity, who was the first trans person you kissed?" Obviously having just recalled Kevin's reassurance up in his room, just nights ago. "Uh," Kevin starts, breaking off to laugh. "I was at this house party and there was this killer punk chick. Like, shaved head, sexy makeup, a tiny dress, tattoos, the works. And so I start chatting her up and she says she's trans and I'm just like...'cool, wanna make out?' and she laughs and then says yes. Anyway, whatever, we were like making out in the corner and then some sort of crazy drama started up with one of her friends so she had to take off. We still hang out. Her name's Kit." He thinks fondly of his friends, back at Berkeley, coming back to himself when Edd says, "she sounds awesome," around a bite of hashbrowns. "Is that your type? Tattoos and all that?" He asks and Kevin tilts his head, shrugs. "I just like interesting people."

They finish eating and walk, fingers knotted together, back to his car. He feels like a ship, afloat but anchored down. He climbs in, Edd slipping a CD into the drive, and the sounds of The Suburbs fill the car until he rolls down the windows, music spilling into the freeway and drifting out to sea as the two men head home; together.

 **7\. Mountains Beyond Mountains**

 **Three** days later Edd and Kevin are sitting up in Kevin's room; he's sitting up on his window sill, legs spilling out into the air, as they watch a car drive into the cul-de-sac and pull into the driveway of Ed's house. Sarah practically launches herself out of the vehicle and sprints toward Jimmy's, leaving Ed to carry both of their bags into the house. He glances up, spotting Edd and waving with a grin. By the time they make their way downstairs and out the door Ed is on them, hoisting Edd into a crushing hug, saying "I missed you so much Double Dee" with tears in his eyes. After a moment Ed puts his friend down, looks over and grins wider, "hi Kevin!" The reunion is cut short when his mother calls him into the house, but he promises to come out as soon as he's done unpacking. Kevin glances over at him after Ed disappears, asks, "have you told him about us?" Edd shrugs, "thought I might do it in person." He's interrupted by a phone call.

"Guess who got sick of his mom and is coming home a week early!" Eddy greets, "I'm about to hop on the plane, it was supposed to be a surprise but..." Edd smiles, just short of his eyes, says, "I'm excited to see you Eddy. Ed just got back." Eddy laughs, lamenting the absence of his friends the last two weeks. "God I missed that oaf. You too, Dee..." he trails off, in thought, and in the quiet Edd can hear a boarding call, can hear Eddy swear. "I've gotta go. My flight should get there around six. Think you can pick me up?" Edd rolls his eyes, but agrees. After hanging up, he tells Kevin about the update.

"I'm already heading to the airport to get Rolf at 5:00. Want me to just pick up Eddy too?" Kevin says and Edd nearly laughs himself out of air. "You really think that's a good idea, Kev?" The redhead shrugs, "me and him need to get over stuff, obviously, especially because of us, you know? It'll give us a chance to talk." Edd isn't convinced, but after many (many) reassurances he relents. He hadn't felt like dealing with traffic anyway. Kevin pulls him close, holds him there on the sidewalk, presses a kiss to his temple just under his hat. "It'll be fine, I promise. Is everyone gonna be back today, then? We should throw a party! All the cul-de-sac kids, and the Kankers. We can use my house." Edd is dubious, but in the pattern of this summer he decides to just go with it.

He's nervous, has been ever since his argument with Eddy. He's afraid he might be put in an impossible position, forced to choose between friendship and romance for the second time. He's afraid that he won't be able to. Years ago, even months ago, he knows that he would have chosen Eddy over anything else on Earth; but if Eddy puts him in that position it may be the end of everything. He's obviously buried in anxiety, enough that Kevin notices and keeps giving him looks like he wants to ask but knows he shouldn't. Kevin leaves for the airport, and Edd allows himself five minutes to wallow before he gathers himself together and gets to work planning a party.

 **On** his way to his car, Kevin notices Ed standing in front of Double Dee's door. "Hey Ed," he calls out, waving the taller man over. Out of all the eds, Ed has been the most surprising. A hidden depth to him, an intelligence beneath the non-sequiturs, an unflappable kindness and faith in those he loves have led to Ed growing into one of the most well-adjusted of the kids from Peach Creek- second only to Nazz- and becoming a hell of a friend to everyone he meets. Ed bounds over, a smile on his face, saying "what's up, Kevin?" Kevin laughs, juts his thumb back toward his own house, says "Double Dee's at my place, dude. Head on in." Ed grins wider, waving Kevin off distractedly as he hurries to see his friend. Kevin climbs behind the wheel, shaking his head fondly, and leaves to bring two of the Peach Creek kids back home.

The traffic is light enough that he arrives early, can just sit in his car and listen to the rest of Double Dee's CD, still in his stereo. He considers for a long time before texting Edd, asking, 'should I tell Eddy or wait?' Within seconds Edd replies, simply 'Don't even think about it Kevin. He'll probably try to bail out on the freeway if you tell him en route." He walks into the airport, waiting to meet up with Rolf. The strong man sees him immediately, clapping a large hand on his shoulder and greeting him warmly. They still have an hour to kill, Kevin explains, waiting for Eddy to arrive. "Eddy?" Rolf questions, but Kevin waves him off, promising to explain later, and they go to grab some food and catch up.

During lunch, Rolf keeps giving Kevin odd looks. "Alright alright, I'm picking up pipsqueak as a favor for Double Dee. I was already coming here around the same time so it's no big deal. Drop it dude." Rolf raises an eyebrow, but relents and occupies himself with his burger. When Eddy walks off the plane he initially looks right past Rolf and Kevin, obviously confused when he doesn't see the eds and checking his phone. Kevin calls his name and Eddy's mood dampens considerably, rolling over to them like a storm front. In lieu of a greeting, Eddy says, "where's Dee?" Kevin rolls his eyes, explains the situation, and turns to walk to his car without another word. He can tell, already, that Eddy is gearing up to be a nightmare, so he just cranks the stereo and rolls down the windows, hoping that the wind and music will drown out his tantrum. Uncharacteristically, though, Eddy just sits quietly, staring out the window looking cowed and forlorn as they drive. Rolf tries his best to make conversation, eventually giving up when Eddy describes his trip as 'fine' without explanation.

 **Night** falls, just as Edd finally sits down on Kevin's couch. The 'WELCOME HOME' banner stretches across the front porch and Marie is laughing with her sisters, making a large bowl of punch in the kitchen. Jimmy, Jonny, and Sarah arrive, Sarah's countenance brightening when Edd answers the door. She grabs him into a hug, launches into questioning him all about Caltech and college and how he's doing. Jimmy and Jonny's hands are clasped tight, and Edd notices Sarah giving the boys discontent looks.

By the time Kevin arrives with Rolf and Eddy, the party is in full swing. A house full of childhood friends and enemies bonding over the past and future. They walk in, Jonny yelling 'surprise!' with no backup, and Edd catches Kevin's gaze. He lifts an eyebrow, asking a hundred questions, and Kevin just rolls his eyes, answering them all. Rolf rushes in, greeting everyone on his way to the kitchen to grab a drink. Eddy is the last to enter, hands buried in his pockets and a dark cloud across his face. Ed screams, rushes to Eddy to lift him up and clutch him close, until Eddy pries him off.

Kevin approaches, moves to pull Edd in but he dodges, walking to check on the Kankers in the kitchen leaving Kevin nonplussed and following in his shadow. Once in the kitchen, Edd grabs Kevin's hand, pulls him to the small laundry room by the back door, kisses him soundly with an apologetic look. "I haven't told anyone yet, and I'd rather not deal with Eddy throwing a fit- if it goes that way- because we made out in front of him." Kevin shrugs, happy to be here with Edd and all their friends anyway. Edd kisses him again, running his hand down across Kevin's cheek where he needs to shave off the stubble. They return to the kitchen, where Ed is happily chatting with May and Marie is sitting on the counter, a cup of punch clutched tight. She throws them a smile, as Kevin pours a cup for him and one for Edd.

In the living room Eddy seems to have perked up, never one able to resist a party, and is regaling the crowd with tales from Vegas. Eventually he turns, feeling Edd's eyes on him, his face lighting up. Edd still remembers years ago, when that look from Eddy would make his knees weak and breath short. He gets distracted, never finishes his story. Walking the room to Edd and greeting (one of) his best friend(s) properly. "I've missed you, Dee. All the way at Caltech." Edd rolls his eyes, but returns the sentiment. Eddy tips his head toward the back door, through the kitchen, and Edd walks with him.

"So, Kevin, huh?" Eddy says and Edd feels like a child caught in the middle of something devious until he elaborates, "I guess it was nice of him to pick me up or whatever. I don't really get why he would, but whatever. Don't look at horse gifts or something, right?" Edd laughs, then pauses to regard Eddy seriously. His blue hair is slicked back, his signature style, but he's shaved off the sides at some point. "There's something I suppose I should tell you, Eddy. Since that will probably be the closest thing to you admitting that Kevin really isn't so bad, now seems appropriate. Kevin and I are dating."

Instantly the smile slides off of his face, his eyes roulette between emotions, landing on his go-to: Anger. "Since when?" He demands, and oh how Edd should have (and did) see this coming. "Yesterday, I guess. Night before?" Edd shrugs and his nonchalance only serves to make Eddy's eyes narrow further. "So. Did you lie to me, or him?" Eddy asks, sparking the heat of anger in Double Dee, finally. "Neither, Eddy. Will you please grow the fuck up?" Eddy scoffs, makes to walk away and even takes several steps before rounding on him again. "I just wasn't good enough, that it? You broke things off with me because we were going to different colleges but now look! You and Kevin sure as fuck don't go to the same place."

Edd regrets many things; not telling his friends he was trans earlier (not until he was paralyzed with cramps, had to send Eddy to get him pads,) not standing up to his parents. In turns he regrets breaking up with Eddy and dating him in the first place, as cruel as it may make him feel. This, though? Falling for Kevin and facing the fallout, no matter how rough? Edd can't imagine ever regretting this. "I broke up with you because we were going to be apart for the first time, all three of us," he says- gesturing towards the house, towards Ed- "and I needed to figure out who I was, as Edd and not 'one of the eds.' I broke up with you because I was afraid, Eddy. Afraid that if we didn't cut things off and it got hard our friendship would suffer. Afraid of how much I love you. Obviously, we aren't in a good enough place to be together, right now. You couldn't even handle me being _friends_ with Kevin! Eddy, I will always love you. But these next few years, while we're away from each other and meeting other people, maybe they're for the best?" Edd flinches, watching Eddy's rage discandy into hurt, shame, sorrow. "As if you haven't been hooking up with people this whole year, Eddy! Do you think that was a joy for me?" Eddy looks down, examines the grass. "It's not the same," Eddy mumbles. "It's not," he says as Edd goes to argue. "Sure, I hooked up with people. But that's just the thing! They were just people, just hook ups! I didn't go and fall in love with anyone else, Dee."

He says it like a punch to the gut. Edd can feel his anger fading, the fond annoyance that seems to follow Eddy replacing it. "No one," Edd says- his voice far more level than his pulse- "will ever replace you, Eddy. But you can't expect me to just... to just give up on this. Maybe we'll be together, one day. Maybe not. But we will always be friends." He hopes that's good enough, and maybe it is, as Eddy hides a sniffle in Double Dee's shoulder, embracing him warmly, the fight seeming to fall right out of him.

They go back inside, following the sound of laughter back into the living room. Kevin is right in the center, a beacon, and Edd follows his pounding pulse over to him. He moves to stand next to him, knocking their shoulders together. Kevin's arm winds around his waist, tugging him closer. They stand, watching as their friends and foes; this group bound by childhood; gathered for what may be the last time all together, dance and talk and drink. Watching their past introduce itself to their future. Kevin holds a hand out, asks, "are we just gonna stand here, or do you wanna dance?"

And they dance.


End file.
